It's sort of sad how easily I can be disheartened. I've been eating super strict paleo for Lent, and I actually started a day early, so I think I've done like 16 or 17 days now. I've gained a pound (lame but oh well), but worse I've gained three inches around my waist.
How is that even possible?
So frustrating. I know it shouldn't be about the numbers or how I look, but I would be lying and foolish if I said aesthetics wasn't at least a part of why I try to be so healthy. And to have it go the opposite direction. That's rough.
It's unfortunate how fragile the psyche is sometimes. How easily it goes from "I'll never lose weight," to "I'll never be pretty," to "No one will ever be attracted to me," to "I'll never find love."
How much of this can I blame on our societal obsession with slender perfection, and how much is due to my own mixed up mental and emotional state?
I'm too exhausted to have to take responsibility for it now...
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Unease
I think I figured out partially why I'm uncomfortable when people say I'm beautiful. As I posted a few posts back, I don't get much male attention, therefore I don't see the evidence for me being attractive. Already gone over that. But I don't think I'm uneasy with the thought I might be beautiful simply because I'm not sure I believe it or I feel like people are stretching the truth or fooled; I think I'm partly scared that it might be true.
Because if it's true that I'm beautiful, then the lack of romantic attention throughout my life would have to be for another reason, and that would have to me a shitty personality or gaping character flaws. I know I have my share of insecurities and a penchant for the melancholy, with significant lazy and cynical streaks, but I've always thought of myself as bright, loyal, and funny. Could THAT be untrue?
That's even more worrisome, so I'm left to hope that the lacking is only with my physical appearance.
On that note, here are some pictures from a fun shoot a few weeks ago with Fleur de Lis Photography.
Because if it's true that I'm beautiful, then the lack of romantic attention throughout my life would have to be for another reason, and that would have to me a shitty personality or gaping character flaws. I know I have my share of insecurities and a penchant for the melancholy, with significant lazy and cynical streaks, but I've always thought of myself as bright, loyal, and funny. Could THAT be untrue?
That's even more worrisome, so I'm left to hope that the lacking is only with my physical appearance.
On that note, here are some pictures from a fun shoot a few weeks ago with Fleur de Lis Photography.
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