If strong is the new skinny, why are all the girls in your "fitspirational" pictures skinny?

Let’s be real.

I found every single one of these pictures on “Crossfit” labeled Pinterest boards or searching for crossfit tags. In response to the abundance of anorexic thinspo, there is a huge “fitspo” movement right now, touting the motto “strong is the new skinny.”

But let’s be real, these pictures are not about health. These pictures are simply holding up another beauty ideal unattainable by the vast majority of women.

I do not mean these aren't beautiful women, or that I don’t admire the hard work and dedication they've put in. They are undoubtedly gorgeous girls who likely eat well and train hard (though as all I’m seeing are pictures, I can’t rule out unhealthy habits as well; you cannot completely judge health by appearance), and I don’t question that they can perform the impressive feats to back up their appearance.

But if strong is the new skinny, why are all the girls in your fitspirational pictures skinny? Sure, they've got quads and abs and traps, and they certainly don’t look anorexic. But none of them are above a size 4, or MAYBE 6 (and then only because of the quads and glutes).

If you want to show strong girls, show girls doing strong things. Maybe they have low body fat percentage and muscle definition and flawless skin and flaxen hair and bright eyes like Camille Leblanc Bazinet and Miranda Oldroyd.

But it might be a picture of me, 200 some odd lbs and by BMI definitions morbidly obese, lifting over my body-weight  Maybe it’s a picture of a girl without makeup or who is wearing more than a sports bra and Lulu lemon shorts.

Maybe a woman who’s middle aged, or even past middle age.

Maybe someone with a disability.

For God’s sake, be impressed and inspired by the achievement of the muscle-up or clean and jerk, not the tan and oiled abs in a photo-shoot. If the focus is on how a woman LOOKS, (whether extremely lean like Kate Moss, curvy and voluptuous like Christina Hendricks, or strong and muscled like Camille and Miranda) we haven’t done away with beauty ideals, we've just switched them out.

I’ll admit I post pictures that celebrate beauty ideals; I love the world of plus size modeling and haute couture. Nothing wrong with celebrating the aesthetic of the human form, as long as it doesn't become obsessive.

But don’t confuse it with fitness.

Ramblings of evidence and self worth

I've never been asked out on a date. Closing in on 28 years old, never even had a guy ask for my phone number. I have to conclude that this means I'm not attractive to the opposite sex. Not alluring. When I was 17 it could be believed that boys were shy or mean or whatever. But I can't make that assumption anymore.

But here's the thing. I get told pretty frequently that I'm pretty. Not everyday, but maybe a few times a week, in a good week. It just happens to only ever be by women. Sometimes friends, sometimes family, sometimes acquaintances, occasionally strangers. Always female. And while I truly believe that most of these instances are honest and well-intentioned, the motive for a woman telling me I'm pretty is quite different from the motive for a man to say the same thing (For the sake of ease, as I'm heterosexual, I'm going to make a big assumption and say everyone telling/not telling me I'm pretty is also).

The only man who has ever told me I'm pretty is my dad, which is wonderful and sweet and John Eldridge-y, but there comes a point when it doesn't count anymore. My friends tell me I'm pretty and they can't understand why I don't get asked out, but I need evidence. Evidence for me being attractive to the opposite sex would require some signs that at least on occasion the opposite sex has been attracted to me.

It's wonderful to have loving friends and family. I'm blessed with some of the best. But just as I fill a part of my friend's hearts that their husbands/boyfriends can't, their men fill a part that I can't. And it's frustrating when they act as if I should be totally fine without romantic love simply because I have so much platonic love. Is it so wrong that I want someone to want to kiss me, in addition to making my friends laugh and feel safe?

idk, maybe I should be ok with it. Feminism and all that.

I'm sick of being told I'm pretty when there is no evidence to back it up.