Not screen-caps, ha :-)

Finally uploading my favorites that aren't screen shots. I can't believe this shoot was a year ago, time has flown. I would love to work with Debbie again, but I don't live there anymore. I'm hoping to do a shoot with a local photographer where I am now, hopefully soon. Moving down to LA in the spring to pursue music and modeling. Never thought I'd be that girl, but here I am :-)

Photographer: Debbie Schwab

Hair and Makeup: Kendra Hittinger

10 HONEST THOUGHTS ON BEING LOVED BY A SKINNY BOY

I stole this...

10 HONEST THOUGHTS ON BEING LOVED BY A SKINNY BOY
Rachel Wiley

1.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me 
hard.

2.
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.

3.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.

4.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.

5.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.

6.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.

7.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.

8.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.

9.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.

10.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
hard

Food Log 1/25/12

10:15AM

-scramble with sausage, onions, spinach, bell peppers

-hot berries

-darjeeling tea

3:15PM

-spiced lamb burger

-salad of kumatos, avocado, cucumber, strawberry, and balsamic vinnegar

(only are about 2/3 of the salad)

8:00PM

-two smaller lamb burgers with sliced kumatos on top

-baked banana with cinnamon, almond butter, and coconut butter

-kale chips (I could have eaten 10 times as many as I made)

Food Log 1/24/12

Breakfast, snack, and lunch were LITERALLY exactly the same as yesterday. Same food, same time. Creature of habit, what can I say.

7:30PM (post WOD)

-stirfry with sausage, zuchini, carrots, onions, green peppers, yellow squash... I think that's it.

-shared a bowl of blackberries with Zoe :-)

Food Log 1/23/12

9:00AM

-berries with coconut milk

-eggs in bell pepper

-roibos tea

2:00PM

-apple and almond butter

3:15PM

-bulgogi don, no rice

7:30 (post WOD):

-baked banana with coconut butter and cinnamon.

No dinner tonight... When I got home from the gym I immediately started laundry, did several loads, and tackled my filthy kitchen. Suddenly its 10:30 and it seems pointless. I'm not that hungry though so, bueno.

1/2 done with this round of whole30!

Food Log 1/22/12

10:00AM

-scramble with 3 eggs, peppers, onions, garlic, spinach, and chorizo.

-roibos tea

2:00PM

-apple and almond butter

5:00PM

-egg salad

-spinach curry salad with tomatoes and cashews

7:30PM

-ground beef with portabella mushrooms and green beans on spring mix

-sliced cucumbers with salsa

-strawberries with coconut butter and dates

Food Log 1/21/12

10:00AM

-chorizo patties

-eggs in bell peppers

-hot berries

water and green tea

1:30PM

-apple with almond butter

4:30PM

-sauteed cabbage with chicken

7:00PM

Shain's birthday party, ate a lot of dates and veggies...